Body Image Issues

November 6, 2012 - 18 weeks Pregnant

 

Well I just had a big "ah-ha" moment and decided to start a blog. Yes, I am becoming one of those women who starts a blog when they are pregnant. It's a cool way to journal about everything that is changing and happening and just get my thoughts out there.

Anyway, this post is about Body Issues.

I have struggled with "body issues" my whole life. I've always had an unhealthy view of myself and thought I was bigger than I really am. I will look back and pictures and think, "Gosh I was tiny! I can't believe I thought I was fat!" But it has been like that my whole life. I remember feeling fat when I was 7 years old in dance class....

About 3 years ago I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. In the months that followed I was very sick trying to heal my intestines and therefore could not eat very much. I lost about 20 lbs in a few short months. I even had to exchange my wedding dress for one 2 sizes smaller! I felt amazing, but still wanted to lose some more or "tone" what I had.

Looking back at my wedding photos I can see that I definitely should never be smaller than I was at that time!

After losing all that weight and feeling great about myself for the first time in my life, my attitude suddenly shifted from "I need to lose weight" to "Oh my gosh, I cannot gain back that weight." So my obsession with weight continued.

I've put on a few lbs, but nothing to be concerned about. However, it was the only thought on my mind pretty much all the time.

About 4 1/2 months ago I found out I was pregnant. We were thrilled! Before I was pregnant I thought that being pregnant would help me with my body issues. I figured, "I won't worry about my weight as much because it's okay to gain weight while you're pregnant."

Boy was I wrong!

My weight issue has only gotten worse throughout this pregnancy. I have gained more than the "recommended amount" already and I tend to track my weight all the time. Worrying that I am gaining "fat" and not just baby weight. It's been a huge issue. My dear husband has definitely heard enough of "I feel so fat" to fill a lifetime!

Today I was reading an article in Fit Pregnancy magazine about eating disorders and pregnancy. Let me be clear, I have never had an eating disorder. I just have a terrible view of myself and constantly worry about weight.

So in this article I read a quote that will hopefully change my opinion about my body obsession forever.....

The quote:

"I never want my daughter to see me stepping on the scale bemoaning my appearance or telling my husband, 'I look fat today'"

I read that and immediately started crying.

We don't know if we're having a boy or girl yet, but still that quote struck me to the core. I NEVER want my daughter or son to see me putting my appearance down or obsessing over my weight. I want them to understand that they are beautiful no matter their size! I want my child to see a mommy that is confident in who she is and knows that she was created in the image of God.

Now, I still feel that there is a need to be healthy and take care of the bodies God gave us. We need to make healthy eating choices and exercise our bodies and minds daily. But the point needs to be to take care of our bodies and be healthy, not to stay a size 4.

So the journey to deal with the issue has only just begun, but I pray this quote and realization will make a lasting impact on me and the life of my unborn child.